Christmas call companion role specific training

Training 2: Communicating and listening

Your communication skills will be essential in creating a good connection and building a strong relationship with the older person you’re calling. Taking care to communicate with respect and really listening to the older person can make all the difference and have a positive impact on their lives.

In general, try to put the older person at ease, don’t rush the conversation, interrupt, or talk over them. Allow them time to become comfortable talking to you. Let them set the pace and tell their story in their own way. This will reassure them that they’re important, that you’ve plenty of time for them and that you’re not impatient to end the call.

Active listening

Active listening is about being present, giving your full attention and being tuned into feelings as well as facts.

The six skills of listening can help you become an active listener.

1. Open questions

Open questions are questions that can’t be answered with a yes or a no. They can help encourage the older person to open up and respond in a number of ways.

In a conversation with an older person, ‘how’ and ‘what’ can be very useful ways to open the conversation up and encourage the person to talk to you. For example:

• “How are things at the moment?”
• “What’s happened?”
• “What’s going on for you right now?”

2. Reflecting

Reflecting, using the same words the older person has used will show that you’re listening, and will encourage the older person to keep talking.

Reflecting can also be a useful way of slowing the conversation down, by encouraging the older person to take a moment to reflect on their thoughts and feelings.

When reflecting, it’s important to think about our tone of voice too, so we don’t sound dismissive or judgemental.

3. Summarising

Summarising will help frame the conversation and give a good overview. It also shows that you’ve been listening.

Summarising is a good skill to use to help move the conversation forward towards a resolution or outcome, or to stop a conversation spiralling round and round the same points.

Summarising helps you to:

• Focus on the main points or issues.
• Review and agree what’s been discussed.
• Show the older person that you’ve listened and understood their circumstances or feelings.

An important part of summarising is acknowledging the feelings within the words being said.

Until you acknowledge and show that you’ve understood the older person’s feelings, they may not feel heard and may continue to repeat themselves. If this happens their feelings of frustration, helplessness, anger etc, may also increase.

A good summary can also bring a sense of ‘conclusion’ to a conversation.

4. Clarifying

Clarifying what someone has told you by ending a statement with, “Is that right?” allows you to better understand and to find out more. 

Clarifying also helps the older person to ‘unpack’ and explore, and to get a little clearer on their thoughts and feelings.

When clarifying, it’s OK to say things like:

• “When you say xx, what do you mean?”
• “You said you feel xx, can you tell me more about that?”

Clarifying also allows you to check that you’ve understood the older person’s thoughts and feelings and that you’ve not made assumptions.

It can also help you to slow down a conversation if the older person is giving you a lot of information very quickly, or in a jumbled way.

T.E.D. questions can also be useful ways to encourage an older person to open up and share more about their thoughts and feelings:

• Tell me
• Explain
• Describe

5. Short words of encouragement

Short words of encouragement like ‘uh-huh’, ‘yes’, ‘hmm’, ‘go on’ help to show that you’re listening. It can be difficult to keep talking if you’re not sure the other person is paying attention, so using encouraging words are a great way to show that you’re still there, and that you’re still listening.

6. Silence

Try not to fill every silence, pauses in the conversation can be helpful for the older person and can give them time to gather their thoughts. By allowing silences the older person will feel that they can take their time and that there’s no rush.

Dos and don’ts

• Don’t assure the older person that everything will be alright, and that you can solve their problems and make things better. This is not the role of a Christmas call companion.
• Don’t change the subject – let the older person lead the conversation wherever possible.
• Don’t assume you know everything about the situation, or about how the older person is feeling– let them tell you how things are for them.
• Don’t tell the older person what to do.
• Do use active listening to encourage the older person to keep talking.
• Do give the older person plenty of time to gather their thoughts and express themselves.

Remember, a gentle tone of voice, a slow pace and not rushing to fill silences will encourage the older person to keep talking and show them how important they are to you.